A nameless situation…

Today India won the world cup for the second time in history….. I am more than happy for the victory…. The cricket fever is still on. I saw the match with all my college mates, happily enjoying and shouting and screaming my lungs out. Had a great time, in short!
I am not a professional writer, as in I am not good at writing and at using proper words for my feelings, but just want to pen down my feelings.
This was the happy part of the story. Now comes the sad twist in it.

The worst part in this whole thing was, that i had to sit with a person whom I presently hate the most in the world, whose being in my life has left a big impact, who has taught me the biggest lesson of life. A person who is somewhat responsible for what I am today in life. I have changed so much, both in a positive and a negative way… I was sitting with her for like more than 2 hours, though obviously not talking or looking at each other, but then just her presence makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t like her, just want her not to be around me, for every moment I see her she reminds me of that same thing she has done to me, to which she still hasn’t given me an answer… Probably she doesn’t have any! You don’t expect such a disappointing act from a person who is so close to you…though no more, but then….
Its been a year since we guys stopped talking, we even had a fight when i came to know her real actual picture! I should have been immune till now, I mean at least I think I am, but today I just realized that I am not yet immune… The impact is soo deep down my heart that I am not able to forget what has happened… It was not ought to happen! I didn’t expect and want it to happen! Why does she still affect me? I don’t want it anymore… I don’t want her in my life now (she neither is by the way), but then there’s this thing, don’t know what, which doesn’t let me forget all what happened… I can’t forget how she broke me deep inside, how my feelings are still hurt, how my heart is still wounded.. I wish i could frame my words and feelings in a better way than this… I want this feeling to end… Why doesn’t it end? Probably I am still expecting things to get better, probably I am expecting her to come to me and own up that it was her mistake, she ditched me like a bitch!! Its more than a year now, why doesn’t this end??? Why can’t I rest in peace? Why she still makes me feel disgusting and sorry for myself that once she used to be my best friend and apparently a priority? I did so much for her, I mean I am not taking the credit for her, but then i really did 😦 She played with my feelings, made me go against my own caring and loving parents… 😦 (which was apparently my mistake)

Today I regret each and every thing I did for her as a friend…. Had I done it for somebody else, that person wouldn’t have done what she has done with me…. At times I pity myself… But I can’t do anything about it 😦

A new phase began :) :(

Hello world….!! welcome to my blog 🙂
I haven’t written anything since a long time…
My life has changed so much…it had many turns and twists. Sour,salty,sweet and spicy life…. 🙂 During the last 5-6 months of my life, it has taught me many things.The realities, the face of many people..the real face.
Its so strange, but true,how people you used to be closed to have suddenly become the best known strangers to us. There were times when they shared the smallest of their secrets with you and now, its different…I am all alone…not because that person left, but because they taught something you never wanted to learn and in spite of that lesson, you still commit and are committing the same mistakes.
My problem is I trust people very easily and now when I know the very fact that people are selfish, I still end up trusting everyone with the same ease as earlier. The problem lies in me, my attitude. My attitude that I am very good, and so would be the world, this is not true every time, and especially not with me.
It often happens with people that they don’t know their weak points and so they aren’t able to work upon them, but the problem with me is that in spite of knowing my weakness I am not able to find a way…everything seems to be so dark that I am not able to see the way I should be heading towards. I know each and every place I am wrong at but still am not able to work upon that…and neither can i find the reason to it.
There are certain questions that I have, but nobody to answer them…
I have tears in my eyes, but nobody to wipe them…
I have hopes, but nobody to walk steps with me…..
I have desires but nobody to fulfill them…
I hope my life turns out to be a brilliant one with something very special and hope I get more matured than before… 🙂

Hoping suggestions from all of you friends 🙂
thank you all for sparing time to read my blog!

THE PAIN OF BEING SEPARATE…AND SPECIALLY FROM THE ONE YOU LOVE

sometimes it happened that your love is some where near you, but your thinking takes them away from you…..its all matter of realization………the sooner you realize……..the better it is…..

even now when i sometimes remember those heart stealing memories
those sweet moments we spent together,
i forget myself
like i was something different before
and now i am different
like i was something bad
like i was meaningless

i have lost it forever now
couldn’t find it again
something i deserved
and now its no longer my own

i wish could have stopped him once
i wish i could have poured my heart out
i wish my words could be heard
without uttering them

i wish my heart could speak
speak all what i felt
i wish i could say all in a one go
i wish it could be understood

i spoke and did all i could
my mind did hear them
but my words were not loud enough
he didn’t hear what i wanted to say

if i could say i would never let you go
and be mine and only mine…forever and ever
he refused to even look at me
am i so not worthy of it?
am i so undeserving that
my follies couldn’t ever be forgiven even once

“”isn’t it strange that when have so much pain in your heart and you wanna talk, the only person who can stop you from crying is exactly the same person who made you cry””

there are two things in life which are even more tragic than death
1. your love loves you and you don’t know it
2. you love does not love you and you know it

some things can never remain the same…

i tried finding answer to this question that why can’t certain things in life never remain the same??
but got no answer to it…because perhaps there is no answer to this question i guess…things which were there before sometime are no longer the same as they were…understood that what has been done should not have been done but now when its over can’t the feelings which were before came back?? and can’t we get back to the old scenario???

“Every time I look at you
my heart skips a beat
I wonder if you know, my love,
that my heart is at your feet
I leave it there for you to do
whatever that you wish
You could take my heart,
and love me,
Or just leave me in this bliss.”

this is something i feel every time i think of some one i love and will always do……..god bless him…

when you are left with nothing to live for

sometimes in life there comes a time when you are left with nothing but pain and suffering……..there are times when you don’t feel like living but you have to live for your closed ones…….your near and dear ones who love you and care for you in spite of all your faults, they accept you with all your follies and mistakes, but you still feel that you don’t deserve to be in their lives because you think they are so great that they have accepted you in their lives and they consider you as one of the most important part of their lives…….

sometimes its out of your control to make anyone believe that you didn’t hurt them intentionally but the sequence of things happened in such a manner that they just happened and you could have done nothing about them……….and even if you could have you would have done it but could not just do that time because that idea didn’t click your mind at that very moment…….

many times, life leaves with no other option but to follow quietly what is happening and just let it happen…because you can’t do anything about it….sometimes you can’t just think of a solution and you are totally blank of what to do and what not to…..

kabhi kabhi chizen aapke bardasht se bahar ho jati hain aur lagta hai ki ye zindagi ka “”dead end”” aa gaya hai…..
jab koi apna chor k chala jata hai aur vo bhi aapki hi galatiyon ki vajah se to bardasht nahi hota…..man karta hai ki duniya ko aag laga do, sab kuch tahes nehes kardo……….sab kuch khatam ho jata hai aapke liye aur jine ki khwaish nahi rehti man mein…………

zindagi mein aisa kyun hota hai friends ki jo aapki life mein sabse zyada importance rakhta hai use hi aap sabse zyada hurt karte ho???

kyu hum har bar usi ka dil todte hain jo har bar sirf aapke bhale ki hi sochta hai???

kyun kayee bar kuch baaton ke jawab nahi hote humare pass???

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